I bit my tongue when they were playing Christmas music in Starbucks in November. It created a grating and unpleasant atmosphere, in which it was impossible to relax and which ironically also made you feel like you were already on holiday and didn't have to go to work. I thought about writing about why companies feel it necessary to inflict this kind of thing on you and why the festivities seem to be spreading into a two month bonanza. We knew Christmas was coming, we didn't need to be reminded and in a way it spoils the actual week when we're forced to be in a Christmas mode for so long. Where is the magic?
But I didn't write about it because however infuriated and sickened by it I was, I knew it was a hackneyed observation that you didn't need me to tell you about.
But now it is the fourth of January, which maybe is officially in the 12 days of Christmas, but is way beyond the actual holiday period and when I was in the gym and Starbucks today they were STILL playing their stupid Christmas albums. Christmas is over 350 days away. This is supposed to be a new year and a new start, I am supposed to be getting on with work and not stuffing my face with chocolate and yet the gym and Starbucks want me to feel like it is still Yuletide. It is as bad as anything that was done to those prisoners in Iraq and debilitating as the rock music played outside Waco to disorientate the people inside. When I was in Starbucks I wondered what would happen if I walked behind the counter, took out the CD and snapped it into bits and then jumped up and down on the pieces. I would probably be sent to prison, but I think I would be a hero to all right thinking people in the country. This has to stop. It's January 4th. It's not Christmas. And don't say that my site still had its Christmas decorations up on the 4th January as well, because that's different for some reason. Plus I've taken them down now anyway.
I believe that Christmas festivities should not begin until Nando's soft drink day and should end at the stroke of midnight on New Year's morning. Anything Christmassy left around after that time can be smashed and burnt by anyone (including any famous oil paintings depicting the nativity) and anyone who even talks about Jesus should be hanged by their feet over a big paddling pool of water and children should be allowed to throw (non-Christmas-based) sponges at them. Really I wanted to say they should be hanged by the neck, but was wary of falling foul of that law about inciting religious hatred. I would still have wanted children to throw (non-Christmas-based) sponges at the lifeless, swinging, self-soiled Christian corpses though. It should be a Pogrom of fun.
Anyway I didn't complain or vandalise anything. I just gritted my teeth and got on with my swim or coffee depending on where I was.
I am glad Jesus was crucified.
