I was getting some chips from a local Chinese/chippie to have with my dinner (I am going on a diet in the new year and so to make my weight loss more impressive and to possibly qualify as slimmer of the year, I have decided to try and put on as much weight as possible before the diet begins - slimmer of the year as I may have remarked is an award for initial gluttony, rather than actual dieting skills).
As I got there, there were two older men at the counter. The woman serving was telling them that they would have to wait a while for whatever they had to order, but they didn't seem to understand. They both stood there as I waited to be served, in the way. They kept asking questions in loud voices that suggested that either they were both a bit deaf, or that they were of the impression that when an Englishman talks to someone of a different skin colour, then volume is all that is required to get their message across. From what little I had observed it would seem they were mistaken if they thought it was the second option, the only people failing to understand anything were them. Eventually it seemed to sink in that they would have to wait, but they stayed where they were and I had to crane round to put in my order.
As the young woman got my chips, the second man who was most in my way began talking to her. His skin was so white that it looked as if he'd spent the last week trying to sculpt something from a large block of marble, but had instead just chipped all the marble away to nothing. Perhaps his ears were stuffed with powdered marble too and that's why he spoke so loud and understood so little. But on closer inspection it was not any kind of dust that covered his face, he just had an ashen complexion, which suggested that he wasn't all that healthy. I guessed he was a regular patron of this establishment as he seemed to know that the girl serving him was new to the premises. "ENGLISH?" he asked loudly and when there was no response, "ARE YOU FROM ENGLAND OR ABROAD?"
The woman was already flustered and busily trying to fulfil my order and didn't readily respond. "ARE YOU A STUDENT?" he then asked ponderously, leaning over the counter. I was aware that there was a large danger that he was spitting over my chips which were now in front of him and I was wary of catching the disease that made your skin the colour of powdered milk and thought about asking him to back away. I wondered if this possible racist had deliberately painted his skin as white as possible to enhance his credentials to be part of the white master race.
The girl muttered some response to him and was not interested in being his friend. I think he was merely a bit sad, lonely and possibly drunk, rather than the new Hitler, but he was invading my space and possibly contaminating my chips and I didn't like him.
The girl wanted to ask me if I wanted salt and vinegar but the interrogation continued. "Yes, I would like salt and vinegar," I interjected in response to the question that had not yet actually been voiced. I was forced to do this in a loud and slightly patronising voice myself, because his loud and patronising voice was still bellowing away. Now he was making me look like him. So does facism and stupidity spread.
I wanted to tell him to go away and wait somewhere else, but luckily his friend managed to pull him towards the back of the shop.
He wasn't a bad person at all, I don't think and was only trying to be friendly, but he wasn't bringing any sunshine into the life of the oil splattered, flustered, sad looking woman who knew that it was only 8 o clock and she still had at least 3 more hours of this and that the average level of drunkeness would only increase.
I went home and fell asleep in front of "My Dad's the Prime Minister".
