Warming Up

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Tuesday 19th October 2004

I took the lift at Covent Garden tube again today. Even though I didn't want to listen to Loyd Grossman I was too tired to walk up the stairs. My cocktail of Guinness and adrenalin had kept me awake most of the night. I figured I could easily close my ears to the annoying Bostonian sauce maganate.
I was in a different lift to last week, and what was this? The voice over in this lift was provided by an unidentifiable, non-celebrity woman, who merely gave directions to various attractions and expressed no personal opinions about her favourite museums.
What's going on? Why have London Underground got Loyd Grossman to make this tape and then only used it in one of the four lifts in the station? You'd think if they were paying him they'd want to get their money's worth. Has Loyd just chosen to sponsor one lift? Maybe he is as particular with his lifts as he is with his museums. I can't comprehend why they would only use his voice in one lift. The only explanation is akin to what I thought last week. Loyd Grossman is lying on top of the lift and has disconnected the official commentary and is just giving his own through a hole in the ceiling. Loyd Grossman has clearly gone mad.
Just when the world seemed magical and beautiful it has returned to being baffling and unsatisfactory.