I was sitting outside the City Cafe having a drink with Jon and Rob from Avalon (my evil management agency) when a clearly extremely drunk man staggered up the pavement beside us.
He wasn't just merry or even rather sloshed. It was 7.15 in the evening and he was as drunk as it is possible to be without finding yourself face down in the road. He was at most one drink away from being face down in the road.
He was around about 40 (though maybe younger and just ravaged by alcohol) and rather brawny and scary. My heart sunk as he attempted to catch our eye. About twelve years ago I caught the eye of a similarly drunk man and ended up lying on the pavement with him kicking me in my head.
I had accidentally laughed at something someone else had said, just as I looked in his direction to see him punching his friend in the face. "Do you think that's funny? Me hitting my friend?" He had somewhat confusingly said.
It didn't matter that I didn't.
Luckily prompt intervention from others prevented my brain being spilt on the pavement.
If that had happened my warming up entries might be slightly less amusing these days and mainly be about being fed through a drip.
Back in the present day the man addressed us, "Which way is Princes Street?"
From his accent it was clear that he was local, but when you are this drunk it doesn't matter if you know the town you're in. Everything is unfamiliar. Ah, the wonders of booze.
We pointed him in the right direction, though we were all aware that he had a fair way to go and that it seemed unlikely that he would make it.
There were after all, a few pubs on the way.
Maybe he didn't want to go there anyway. Maybe he was just looking for friends. Because then he pointed at Rob who has short, cropped hair and asked me, "What's the difference between him and Edinburgh?"
I said I didn't know.
He replied, "Edinburgh has a fringe."
Now it may not be the greatest joke of all time, but for a man in that state of inebriation to formulate a gag that actually made sense was quite some achievement.
On wondered if this was some kind of satirical street theatre. Despite his jolly manner, was the true intent of this local's jape to protest against the invasion of his city by these poncy theatre groups? Was he decrying the fact that Edinburgh has a fringe? Was he saying to Rob, "You sir, don't have a fringe, so why does my town have to have one? Can you not see your own hypocrisy?"
Was his drunkeness just an act? Was it a metaphor for what all thes unwelcome visitors were doing to his city? If so, there are an awful lot of similar satirists on the streets of Edinburgh.
Or was he just roaming the streets doing his joke, aware that eventually he would tell it to someone in TV who might sign him up for his own series. In fact he had hit pay dirt as he was performing his joke to one of the country's top comedy managers.
As he zig-zagged off down the street Jon and Rob did indeed comment on how impressive his joke was in the circumstances. If only he had left a flyer or something I could have found myself bumping into that bloke at the Avalon Christmas Party.
