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The ghost in the machine continues to haunt us, with another weird thing happening, which I think is much more likely to be caused by some unsettled spirit in our house than the incompetent shysters who did the main part of our renovation work.
We went to bed early and after two long sleeps without interruption I was thinking I might actually go out for a run tomorrow. But Ernie woke up, hot and unsettled as more teeth push their way through his gums in a bizarre punishment of the innocent by God and I tried to work out if I should break away from the system and cuddle him and sleep in with him or go back to our own bed.
I also couldn’t get the ear thermometer to work for ages and then when I did couldn’t remember if 38.5 degrees was a temperature that meant we had to panic. I knew it was high, but was it wake up everyone and go to hospital high?
Catie was asleep and I didn’t want to wake her just for this. Unless my guess was wrong and 38.5 was high and not just cause for some Calpol. Luckily Catie stirred with hardly any prodding and confirmed that I was correct, so she could have stayed asleep.
Not that she would have done though because as we spoke a very loud alarm went off, giving out three shrill beeps and then going quiet. We weren’t even sure what it had been, but there’s no way we would have slept through it.
Our initial fear was that it was going to be our third occurrence of carbon monoxide. Though that seemed unlikely really, given that the boiler was off and we weren’t using any gas. So was it the smoke alarm? That seemed more likely as it had sounded very nearby. Was the house on fire? And if so, why for only 3 beeps? The detectors are connected to the mains and this wasn’t the sound a smoke detector makes when the battery is low (believe me I have ignored that infuriating chirrup for many days if not weeks in the past). This felt like something a ghost would do to shit us up and make it even less likely that we get to sleep as we worried about simmering fire or lingering poisonous gas.
I checked all the CO alarms and they all registered zero and none of the smoke alarms indicated anything was wrong. I looked for smoke or fire or steam. I smelled my armpits. There was nothing.
I asked Twitter, but mainly they seemed to think that the battery was going - but I knew it wasn’t that, though some suggested cobwebs or dust. We have had a bit more work done in the last week or two and I’ve been moving boxes today, so I hoped that that was it. Though why that dust had registered now, when the house was quiet, and for such a short amount of time, I did not know.
Would we wake up in the morning? (Spoiler, yes) As it turned out I’d wake up quite a few times before morning as my son gently moaned and cursed the monster that had created him for inflicting him with this unnecessary agony. You were starting from scratch God and you’re magic. Why not just have us born with teeth that can never decay and which grow with us like the rest of our fucking bones. You amateur.
Still the malevolent dead baby that haunts our house got us again tonight, though at least didn’t set off the carbon monoxide alarm which would have meant having to leave the house in the middle of the night. So thanks for that.
Some people think it’s a bit scary that we occasionally hear a crying baby in our house, when both our kids are asleep. But there are worse ghosts to have and I assume it’s just a manifestation of the madness of parenthood. Even though we both hear it.
Maybe it’s the same deal with the alarm.
I can tell you that a smoke alarm beeping three times and then going quiet is much more ominous and frightening than any ghost. Especially if a ghost is the one who made it happen.
