I drove back from Bristol this morning after a lovely gig last night where I pushed the limits and (I think) was entertaining (which made up for Hastings last week). It was pissing down with rain, but the water was creating a very fine spray as it hit the cars and as vehicles drove through it. To such an extent that all the cars in front of me were shrouded in an eerie mist that rather beautifully and scarily cloaked them from sight. It wasn't like the other cars became invisible, but one certainly had to strain to see them and occasionally I would notice a car in front of me that had managed to conceal itself from me in the dampness. Luckily most people had slowed down somewhat due to this freaky phenomenon, but some people drove through it breaking all speed limits, regardless of the dangers of these Star Trek cars with primitive cloaking devices.
Once the rain stopped I became annoyed with all the drivers who insist on hanging in the middle and fast lane when the slow lane is empty. I was in a slight rush to get home as I had to rush over to central London to do the Andrew Collings show and even though there wasn't that much traffic on the road, my way was impeded by idiots who didn't realise that if all the motorway is used then actually all our journeys will be much quicker. It's my newest bugbear and one that I feel strongly about mainly because I used to be one of these middle lane hoggers myself. I used to incorrectly reason that people could still overtake me if they wanted in the fast lane, but the fact is things would run a lot more smoothly if people stayed in the left hand lane unless they want to overtake. For long stretches of the journey I was being presented with the tantalising option of being able to overtake dozens of cars by going to the left rather than the right. It's something that I hate to see other people do as it is undeniably dangerous (especially in conditions where your car is semi invisible), and leads to some excellent warning puns on the word undertaking, but shamefully I did take the option a few times, to make a point if anything. It would be worth dying to help people realise the error of their ways. It didn't matter that I was committing a worse sin. Everyone knows two wrongs can make a right. That is the basis of our invasion of Iraq after all.
I kind of thought that this little digression might lead to some kind of humorous observation, but no it doesn't. So let's just hope it serves instead as a public information message to any drivers out there. Get over you fucking idiots. I have to get home alive.
My "holiday" now over and alas the script not quite finished, but hopefully will be able to fill in the gaps tomorrow to create a workable first draft.
