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A pretty full on day of tourism. Catie was having a spa treatment so we were out of the house by 8am. Not much was open so I took the kids to the beach where I think I’d played with plastic toy soldiers fifty years ago. I hoped we might find some of the ones I’d buried there, but we had no luck. Imagine if we had though.
We then did more soft play, followed by more mini golf and then a bit of shopping. There’s an island near our accommodation that I’m a bit obsessed which has a lighthouse on it. Ernie asked straight away if he could go to the lighthouse, but I thought it was unlikely we’d be allowed. But when I idly looked to see what house prices were on Arran I discovered that the island with the lighthouse on is actually for sale. And even though the island is about 28 acres and has a fucking lighthouse on it (and some other buildings and a place to land a helicopter) it only costs £350,000. Which isn’t a tiny amount of money, but which isn’t much for your OWN ISLAND. I’d pay that for just a lighthouse. But to get an island too. Imagine it.
Also if you charged every ship that passed five pounds for using your light then you’d soon make all the money back.
It’s not that stupid. You could have a big contactless payment pad installed in the ocean.
Sure the island is a bit remote and not in the Caribbean like most island owners seem to like and it would probably be difficult to turn it into one of those sex islands that are so popular with royalty and politicians and executives and I bet the internet access is variable so it might be hard to carry on doing podcasts. But still.
Also I could dedicate myself to get every stone on the island to the edge - there's already loads on the periphery - it might actually be achievable.
I tried to imagine the Scottish celebrities I might get to come out here for sex parties. And I think it would probably just be the Krankies. And I don’t want to get done for paedophilia.
If I was a billionaire I would definitely buy stuff like this on a whim. I am not a billionaire and I really feel like doing it.
I won’t do it obviously. Though imagine my wife’s face if I did it secretly and then flew her there in a helicopter and said “This is ours!” I think she’d be really impressed. That’s the face I am imagining.
And the kids would love it too. Just the family together on an island, with no other kids and nothing to do and a boat ride and four mile drive to school every morning.
So instead today of buying the island, today I bought a nice drawing of the island instead. Which is probably a more cost effective way of doing it. And I can look at it and just imagine the sex parties/podcasts I could do from there. Fandabbydozy!
