CNPS numbers spotted 6 (784).
I had a meeting today about the possibility of turning "Warming Up" into a radio show. Simon, the producer I spoke with took me out for pizza. He has been keeping up with my adventures and was slightly worried that he might secretly be my 37th date (in his dreams).
We agreed immediately that my adventures and lack of adventures of the last 18 months would make a good show and it is fairly obvious how it would translate on to radio, so I finished my not-Veneziana (no point in trying that trick - he's been reading my diary and wouldn't be impressed) and then went home to write up a proposal. He wants to present the idea to the PDG (An Orwellian collective of faceless men in suits who decide what comedy goes on the radio as well as training a secret militia who will one day take over the world - but that's just a side-line, the radio thing is what they are most interested in) on the 10th June and seemed fairly confident that we could be doing a pilot in September if all goes well.
This is what I put to convince the evil comedy enthusiasts that I might be a good person to make 6 half hour radio shows to be broadcast on radio 4 at 11pm.
"Warming Up - the first blog on the radio.
Warming Up is the radio version of Richard Herrings highly popular internet web-log. Originally conceived as an exercise to help him overcome writers block and get his brain into gear each morning (hence the title), the diary has quickly evolved into an hilarious insight into the comedians twisted and paranoid mind.
Well known enough to get invited to the occasional celebrity party, but not famous enough to get hassled in the street, Herring has a unique insight into the worlds of celebrity and the mundane. As likely to write about meeting Elton John as an encounter with a mad person on the tube and able to treat each person with equal lack of respect. He will talk about people he has observed, arguments he has got involved in and ultimately return to his favourite subject : his own stupidity.
Warming Up will be performed in front of an audience, with Richard sharing his thoughts and experiences through monologues, which will be illustrated with reconstructions featuring actors playing the parts of the crazy people and obstinant public servants that seem to cross his path with alarming regularity. Herring is able to stop the action to reveal his inner thoughts and frustations.
Each episode would bring us the best of his entries from a period of a month or so, including a running story-line, as well as some stand alone incidents or observations, bringing to a life the thoughts of a diarist who has already has been described as,
"A Samuel Pepys for the Twenty-First Century, only more paranoid and obsessive and consuming more yoghurts.""
It has been described as that by me. Just then. But the BBC fools will never know. Unless they have a look at this to get the flavour of the piece. And then they will see that I think they are fools and also know about their secret militia. I am doomed.
Simon also asked me to give an idea of what would be in each episode. He said I could just make anything up, it didn't matter; the important thing was to give them the impression that we'd given the idea some thought - oh dear, I think I might just have lost Simon his job as well. That'll teach him for not putting out on our date.
Here are the episode guides:
"EPISODE 1 Christmas 2002 The diary begins with the run up to Richards first Christmas with his new girlfriend and her young baby, who seems determined to thwart him at every turn. Amongst banal but poignant experiences on the tube or in the the supermarket, Herring will find himself signing CD covers for a hundred strange Dr Who fans and performing in front of 30 of the most famous people in the country (including Elton John, Hugh Grant and the Duchess of York) at a posh jewellers Christmas party and dying on his arse.
EPISODE 2 January/February 2003 Herring goes on a keep fit campaign but is disappointed and confused that his local swimming pool has raised ticket prices by a strangely arbitrary 17 pence. He is getting on badly with his downstairs neighbours and his constant touring is affecting his once happy relationship. Meanwhile his girlfriends son seems to never tire of the song Old Macdonald. Richard decides that he will keep singing until the boy becomes bored, but who will give up first and how many animals is it possible to have on a farm anyway ?
EPISODE 3 March 2003 Australia Richard takes his latest stand-up show to the Melbourne Comedy Festival. How does he cope with the small audiences he is getting whilst all his friends are selling out ? How does he feel when the men employed to dress up as sperm to publicise his show are apparently more popular than him ? How does he acquire the nick-name Mr Pork-Bellies ?
EPISODE 4 April 2003 Richard attempts to cope with the break up of his latest relationship and with the rigours of writing a book to dead-line. Meanwhile on Shepherds Bush tube station a couple are snogging so voraciously that they almost suck him into the vortex of their kiss.
EPISODE 5 May/June 2003 New Home Richard moves house and at this already stressful time has to deal with a piano mysteriously dumped in his front garden, a mad neighbour who is determined to borrow all the boxes that he used in his move and utility companies who all wish to deny that they are supplying his house with power.
EPISODE 5 July/August 2003 Summer holiday. Richard goes off round the UK with various branches of his family and considers writing a book called My Family and Other Idiots. He is badly sunburned on the beach and has to suffer the indignity of being thrashed at tennis by his young teenage nephew.
EPISODE 6 September 2003 Richard is supposed to be getting back to work, but instead seems to be slipping into a routine of prevaricating, drinking and watching Diagnosis Murder. Meanwhile he gets to tour Europe to watch various foreign versions of his last stage show. Where will his cock-based humour go down best ? And how can he be sure the Finnish version is anything like the original and not just an extended satire of himself ?"
I think it might actually make a great show, if I can get the mixture of items right. But I am sure all of you will hate it and fill my guestbook with messages along the lines of "I think it was better when it was on the internet before anyone else liked it."
It would be great to get back on the radio. I haven't heard anything about the "That Was Then, This Is Now" pilot yet, except that the producer had been asked to send another tape in as they had mislaid the first one. Mislaid? Or used the tape to strangle the enemies of the PDG?
