5760/18780
Our hotel is staffed mainly by young British people, who I assume are largely doing this as a summer job, before returning to education/reality. Even towards the end of this summer season they are efficient, polite and friendly, though I can’t help wondering what effect Brexit will have. Will future British students have to do their summer jobs in Cleethorpes and Southend? It’s sort of weird coming aboard to a hotel full of British people and staffed by British people (though the cleaners are local - I think this might be some analogy for Brexit), especially given we’ve only ventured out of the hotel once. But it suits us this year.
The hotel itself is slightly faded, but the happy young staff make up for its deficiencies. Also, of course, they make me totally heart-broken and sad when I realise that I am 51 and it’s 32 summers since I was in a similar position to them. Come on. That can’t be right.
These young men and women might think that I am staring at them longingly with unrequited lust, but they are only 98% correct. That other 2% is just wishing I could swap places with them. Not because serving weird, fat starey holiday-makers is my sexual fetish (not only because of that - that’s only 98% of it), but because it’s all gone so fast and I would love another crack at it.
Though they seem to work very hard, I bet they are also playing hard and I have already come up with a sitcom set in a European hotel which is all about what a 51 year old customer is imagining is happening behind the scenes. That’s the first half of each episode. But the twist is the second half shows you what is really happening behind the scenes. And it turns out every time the weird man has got it 98% correct, it just wasn’t quite raunchy enough. So we see the same thing again but with one more bare bum in it.
I think it’s got legs. But I bet in the current climate the fevered imagination fantasies of a disgusting pervert would be considered politically incorrect. Which is ironic, because in the sitcom both sexes and all races and sexualities would be equally degraded.
When’s International MEN’S day?
All this is just a joke (98% a joke) and I wouldn’t change a moment of my journey through life, because changing just one thing back in 1986 (like making me not a total virgin idiot with no idea how to interact with other humans) would have huge repercussions on the future of us all. There would probably be no Brexit and Trump would never have been President. But I also wouldn’t havre my wife and two kids (I might have a different wife and better kids, but I can’t take that chance) and would it be worth losing them for a 1980s summer where I managed to act in the way that that fictional character in my sitcom idea imagines young people act?
I mean, I’d have to give it a proper think.
Anyway, the staff here are great, but they keep inadvertently reminding me that I am 51, which is a fact that I’ve somehow managed to totally avoid facing and thus every single one of them has ruined my holiday.
I wish I could warn them about how soon they will be tobogganing into the abyss of oblivion. But would they listen to me? We all make our own mistakes, the same mistakes.
I mean I didn’t listen to the 88 year old man who came to my table today to say that I shouldn’t be wasting my relative youth looking backwards and regretting what I hadn’t done. Just make sure I was doing stuff now or something. He looked vaguely familiar thinking about it. And was wearing a cardigan made out of a material that has not yet been discovered by mankind. He did tell me his name, but I wasn't listening - might have been Ronald Henning. Stupid old prick.
