I had my tech this morning, which was scheduled to last from 10.30 to 12.30 am, but I got there 5 minutes early and was pretty much done by 10.35. There isn't too much to tech. I tried to think of something to do to fill more time, but nothing came to me - though perhaps we should just have practised the lights transition at the start. The Underbelly seemed some way from being ready, with lots of building and activity going on, but I am sure all will be ready by tomorrow. In this venue we have the luxury of an extra day's rest. A lot of the other venues were up and running today.
I popped into Poundstretcher to buy a bucket for my Velcro Toothbrush moustaches which I am going to distribute to people as they leave (it proved too disruptive to do it during the show and I worried that people would lose them if I gave them out at the start). I chose a pink bucket as the funniest colour to be giving out such items. The lady at the check out said, "Ooooh, just your colour," perhaps not noticing my moustache with five days of growth behind it, or perhaps assuming it was a new gay thing. Anyway she took a chance on her homophobic joke and she got away with it. I laughed at her audacity. She might be the bravest performer on this year's Fringe, daring to imply that a possible Neo-Nazi was a homosexual. Will she win an award? I'd like to see her get the Spirit of the Fringe. She could probably do with the four grand prize more than any of the comedians. Instead
they'll probably piss it away like last year.
"Would you like a bag for it?" she asked me, clearly slightly concerned for me that I might have to walk round the streets of Edinburgh with a pink bucket (if only she knew what it was for).
"No," I told her, "I am proud of my choice. I want the world to see." She laughed along. I am funny all the time. It gets quite wearing.
No one made any comment about a man with a Hitler moustache walking through the streets of Edinburgh with a pink bucket (though I did get a "Seig Heil" later in the day when I was bucketless), but then it's Fringe time and so I could have been walking around with a severed head, dripping with blood and people would have just ignored me.
Later in the day I passed a man who was vomiting into the gutter, even though it was barely midday. He could have been a drunk or a performance artist. If he was the latter then he had really done his groundwork as his spew smelled of whisky. People, including me, just gingerly stepped around him as he stood and vomited into the drain, a bus narrowly avoiding him.
I got to the gym with my bucket, but it wouldn't fit into my locker so I left it under a bench. I bumped into comedian and Ballamory star
Miles Jupp who questioned why I was bringing a bucket to the gym, "Do you put it on your machine when you've stepped away from it to indicate that it's being used?"
"No," I replied, "I just like to carry it around with me. I find it subverts the macho attitude of many of the men who come here. And I can make sand castles."
Later when the bucket was safely home I decided to draw swastikas all over it - reclaiming the Hindu symbol of peace as well as the Toothbrush from Hitler - and spent a couple of hours cutting up velcro moustaches from a long roll of tape. My girlfriend helped me. It was an arduous task. I think I have around 1000 at the moment, which might last me ten or so shows (if as I suspect, most people don't take them). I put them into the bucket.
"You're going to have to walk through Edinburgh tomorrow with a pink bucket with swastikas on it, full of Hitler Moustaches, with a freshly shaved Hitler moustache" my girlfriend commented.
"Yes," I pondered, "I might put them in a bag for the return trip."
But if a man can spew up whiskey without comment or consequences then surely no one will take any notice of a gay Nazi who has scalped the philtrums of a thousand Hitler fans. Or maybe just furiously unmasked the upper lips of a thousand Chaplin impersonators.
I started looking through the show and slightly regretted not having done so earlier. I have cuts to make and quite a few bits to tidy up or at least firm up. But I think overall I am glad I have had a five day holiday from the show. I am looking forward to getting started. The White Belly had been cooler than I ever remember it being (admittedly there were no people in it) and the staff claimed that new and more powerful fans should help prevent the sauna-like conditions of last year.
Incidentally, don't give up hope if you want to come to the show in the next five days. A handful of tickets are held back for various reasons and might well become available on the day. So you might get lucky.
Tomorrow it begins.
I am worryingly calm and confident about it.
