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It’s amazing that Simon Brodkin got past Tory conference security unnoticed, despite being under 70. Kudos to him though. He’s literally taking his life in his hands with a stunt like this (or would be if the PM’s security were not having a nap) and just as with his Sepp Blatter stunt, the P45 being handed to Theresa May might be the defining image of her career. Political comedy that actually has an effect on politics. Though God knows what monster might replace this poor woman, languishing out of her depth, staying on out of duty to her party. I think if I’d been her I’d have been tempted to say, “Ah fuck it. I resign. Sort out your own mess Johnson.” But she will push on until she’s pushed off. Probably sooner rather than later.
Even without him May might well have been sunk by the bad fortune that happened during this speech. A lot of performers recognised it as the kind of nightmare that you dream about, but that rarely actually happens. It’s very hard to perform and speak when your confidence is shot. I know that dry-mouthed feeling where nothing that happens seems real. Look at the way she takes the paper and puts it on the floor. It was all so weird that she didn’t know how to react.
Into London early this morning with my wife on the train. Even though she is literally about to pop, nobody stood up for her in the packed carriage. Certainly some of them clocked her, but didn’t make a move. I wanted to say, “Is someone going to stand up for my pregnant wife?”But we’re English and that would be too embarrassing. And really - you shouldn’t have to ask. They might have just thought she was fat. The very specific kind of fat where you are basically thin but look like you’ve eaten a beach ball. Which to be fair, I also suffer from. If this new diet doesn’t work I am literally going to roll down every hill I come across.
As we got on to the platform a European man came up to us and apologised. He said he had only seen us as we got off and he couldn’t believe that nobody stood up for her. This is the first taste of Brexit.
At Kings Cross we queued for a taxi when I saw a familiar figure in the next curve of the snake ahead of us. It was David Miliband. I couldn’t help thinking about how different our fortunes would be if he hadn’t lost that first, essentially 50-50 vote against his brother. I feel pretty certain that Brexit would not have happened and also pretty confident that he would currently be in a position where he never had to queue for taxis.
Though I noticed he was wearing slightly weird, black, slip-on shoes. I couldn’t understand why anyone would willingly choose to wear them unless they were a psychopath who didn’t understand the rules of civilisation.So we might all have had a lucky escape.
And he didn’t stand up for my pregnant wife on the train. I am not sure he was on the same train as us, but that is hardly relevant.
And there was drama at the taxi rank as a cab driver had got into an argument with a passenger and the police had become involved. The cabs all had to line up in a different lane as the cab rank was blocked. As it turned out we’d ended up getting in the cab of the guy who was being questioned by the police, who had had a disabled passenger and turned on his meter before he helped her into the cab, only to find out that she was a solicitor who had informed him that that was now a criminal offence and he could face a £1000 fine. He had heard of no such law and from thence the argument arose.
It sounded a bit like they were both in the wrong, though the driver admitted he’d only done that instinctively and that it was only a matter of seconds to get the wheelchair in the cab. She might have just informed him of this law and then maybe taken 20p off he fare at the other end, but doubtless they had irked each other and wasted a chunk of each other’s days and mildly inconvenienced David Miliband. But if, as I suspect, David Miliband is the human embodiment of Sliding Doors and every little thing that happens to him leads to huge repercussions for the rest of us, then I hate to think what might befall us next.
The cab driver was a decent no-nonsense guy, annoyed by political correctness gone mad (even though he was without knowing it actually irritated by Health and Safety). We had a good chat about Uber and how Cameron and Osborne had apparently stopped Boris Johnson regulating it because they both had personal connections to the firm. I don’t know if he is right, but personally can’t imagine that Johnson was behaving honourably.
The driver noted that roadworks were going to delay us and dropped us at a point where we could walk the wrong way down a one-way street and get to our destination quicker. I gave him a tip that will make a tiny dent in his £1000 fine, if he ends up getting it.
If you backed the kickstarter you should have got an email with your bonus questions today. If you didn’t get it check your junk folder and your filters. If still no joy then get in touch with me or Chris Evans (not that one). We are working very hard on getting the other rewards ready asap - the books are at the printers. Nothing can possibly go wrong.
A very enjoyable RHLSTP with Robert Webb went up today.
vimeo - https://vimeo.com/236613047
The audio should be up soonish.
