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Yesterday on our early morning walk Wolfie and I had stopped to look at some horses. They were only feet away. And then as they came over to look at us and see if we have any food, only inches away. Horses, I realise, are weird. They have whiskers for starters, which is odd because they are not cats and don’t have to negotiate tight spaces. Also they eat grass. Which is bizarre. I stared for ages at a massive, beautiful horse, that if it had any gumption would be the king of all animals, who could eat what it wanted, pulling up tiny bits of grass with its teeth over and over again. Have some fucking dignity mate. You’re a huge horse. Demand something better than a tiny bit of vegetation that you can’t even properly digest.
Also horses have hair and hairstyles. You call it a mane. But it’s a mane of hair. That’s ridiculous. They’re not people. It made me wonder if horses are actually people who have been put under some kind of curse by a goblin or a Harry Potter and had their faces stretched (and also become horses). Probably not. But they look like weird people.
Someone told me that horses use their hind hoofs to scratch their ears and necks. I thought they were joking, but today on an early morning walk with Wolfie and Phoebe I saw it happening. Horses aren’t real. In fact I am pretty sure none of this is actually happening and all our lives are just someone else’s dream. When you think of the chances of us being here at all - oh and then we just happen to live at the peak (and end point) of humanity, with comparative freedom and luxury and iPhones and heating that you can control from your iPhone. Pull the other one mate. We’re not stupid. No way is any of this happening.
Today’s horses weren’t fenced in and one of them followed us round the field as I struggled to impose order and discipline on my dog, whilst protecting my terrified daughter. But to be fair, it was slightly unnerving being followed by a horse to me and I am extremely tall. It must be pretty freaky to a 2 year old, who also has the unjaded ability to see that horses are bizarre grass eating humans that eat grass and whose faces have been stretched out.
We rushed back home.
After a bit of a fraught start to the day, with an overexcited dog and a daughter to get to her gym activity, it calmed down a bit and I did some more unpacking and baked a chick pea pie. This is who I am now. I might find it hard to get back into a work mode. It’s hard to believe that September is nearly over and that over a month has passed since the Fringe. I have done the least work of any month this year, but been by far the most stressed. But tonight, eating chick pea pie at our new kitchen table in our new kitchen, it felt like it might all be calming down.
Then I remembered about the baby….
My latest newsletter with news of apps, RHLSTP guests and Pointless Celebrities (it’s so long since I recorded it that even I can’t remember what happened, except in pinpoint detail).
Read it here.
