Although I can't stand Robert Kilroy-Silk and his false concerned face (even after all these years he is still constantly caught out while pulling this face trying to check himself out in the studio monitors, because he thinks he's handsome) and his awful habit of interrupting his guests and failing to listen to what they're saying, I do quite enjoy watching his show. This is mainly because I like seeing people using their grief in a competitive way. "You think you've suffered, well you should see the what life has dealt me. Please let me go over it all in gruesome detail and I think you'll find that I deserve more pity than you."
Today Kilroy was talking about revenge and the show turned into a contest to see whose children has been despatched in the most terrible ways. One man was (understandably) filled with rage about the senseless death of his 8 year old daughter in a traffic accident (though his desire to see the 85 year old woman responsible put in prison for ten years or killed was a good advertisement for sentencing to be carried out by impartial judges). He struggled to make sense of why life had treated him so unfairly.
Then a softly spoken American man tried to make the man realise that his anger and desire for vengeance was self-destructive. "I want to tell each and every one of you that every day on this life is a gift. That's why they call it the present," he preached incorrectly. Neat wordplay. There was something slightly wrong in his eyes. A look that told me that before long God was going to be brought into the equation.
However, the American man's story certainly won the grief competition (and made the other fella's inconsolable anger look a bit over the top.) His baby son had been killed in a car-crash with a drunk driver. This was already more tragic and the American knew it. He told the story in detail, always maintaining his dignity. Sensibly though for a grief competition he had another ace up his sleeve. Some other people came in with equally and possibly even more tragic stories, but a smile of triumph remained on his lips. And five minutes later we found out why. In tantalising detail he revealed that a couple of years ago his 15 year old daughter had been murdered as well. But that wasn't it. She'd been murdered by his other son, who was sent to prison for 50 years.
The audience groaned in sympathy and shock (or were they all just aware that their own stories could never beat that). He'd won.
And he'd double won because he wasn't interested in revenge or shouting about how terrible his life was. He retained his dignity. He had suffered the most, but was not openly wallowing in it.
And predictably the reason why he didn't feel the need for vengeance was that the people who had hurt him would be judged by God.
So I'm being a bit flippant about some terrible occurrences, but I'm not sure that a lightweight discussion programme is the place to air these stories, especially when it inevitably turns into this competition of who has been the most hurt.
That seems inappropriate.
