8121/21041
The chances of that asteroid hitting us in 2032 have now increased from 2.6% to 3.1%. If the numbers keep going up at this rate then we should be on a about 1000% certainty in 7 years.
The only sad thing about it is that none of us will be alive to see it hit.
Imagine a potentially world ending cataclysm and we'll have managed to get in there first. Nature and space can try and take us down with viruses and asteroids, but we're perfectly capable of doing this job ourselves. The asteroid will smash in to a dead city and be witnessed only by a few cockroaches and maybe some billionaires in a bunker (so cockroaches and cocks). What a waste.
And if the billionaires think they will survive the Apocalypse that they are intent on creating, they've got another think coming. They will need an army of mercenaries to get them to their bunkers and keep the rabble out and if Trump and Musk think that the people with the machine guns are still going to do their bidding when money has lost all meaning, then they have a further think coming.
They'll either be locked outside or be installed in a room downstairs where cocks and cockroaches will be entering their every orifice. It's a brave new world.
3.1% would be a pretty terrifying statistic if our doom before 2032 was not guaranteed. The chances of anything coming from Mars was a million to one, yet still they came. 33 to fucking one is a good, but highly achievable result for a Grand National (with almost as much death of innocent creatures - am I right horse fans?). We don't want to be talking about those kinds of odds for a massive chunk of rock coming at us from space. I had something like a one in 250 chance of getting testicular cancer and that one happened. To be fair for about 50% of the population there is a 0% chance of getting testicular cancer, which might make you feel safer. But an asteroid doesn't discriminate. It's an equal opportunity world ender.
With a bit of luck natural causes will take me before the world can be destroyed by bits of rock or cocks as thick as bits of rock (as much as for the stone clearer in me, being crushed by an enormous space stone is the perfect way to go), but I am pretty certain that life on earth is going to be decimated or halved or wiped out within the lifetime of some of you readers. Of all the many disasters that will come about from electing Trump the worst one (and this is really saying something) is that there's now zero chance of anything being done about climate change. That's not entirely fair, some things will change. Trump seems determined to speed up the process. Maybe it was too late to put the brakes on anyway so we might as well have a spectacular crash.
It might not really come to that though, as we have absolute bell ends in charge of nuclear arsenals now and mutually assured destruction is no impediment to someone who believes they are unbreakable. It's always seemed obvious to me that there would come a point in human history (probably really near the end) where someone would be put in charge of a country with nuclear bombs and think they'd give them a go. I thought it would just take one idiot, but there's loads right now who I wouldn't put it past. It's much higher than 3.1% for that occurring.
I don't want to come across like when of those Doomsday Clock wankers, but 89 seconds to midnight seems pretty optimistic.
The last generation of human beings has to exist at some point. It'd be quite exciting if it's us, right. Got to really look after myself. Being here for the end of the world is a real incentive to keep living.
