My house is definitely haunted.
I am the new Joanna Lumley. For the last few nights when I have gone up to bed I have turned on the light in my bedroom and all has been fine for a few seconds. But then, inexplicably, the bulb has started to flicker and then veer from light to dark and back again of its own accord. The only possibly explanation is that some malevolent force is unhappy at my prescence and is trying to scare me off by mildly inconveniencing me whilst I am getting undressed and moving around the room. Sometimes it is quite hard to see where I am going, so I have to turn on a lamp. The terrifying ghoul does not yet have power over my bedside table and so can't do anything to this light, but I think we all know it is just a matter of time.
Some cynics may argue that there is just something wrong with my dimmer switch or my wiring, but then why, oh why do I feel dread and terror as I lie awake in the dark once the lights are properly out? And why do I wake up each morning to find a strange sticky ectoplasm all over my bedsheets?
That's not all, the other night I noticed my office light was on in the attic, but I hadn't been in there for a couple of days! The ghost or ghosts had clearly turned it on to scare me. What's more likely, that or the idea that I forgot to turn the light off two days ago and it's been burning all this time? I am the bravest man in the world to keep on living here, but what choice do I have? I live in Shepherd's Bush. No-one is going to buy this house off me. Especially now there is a ghost in it.
And the good news, my foolish friends is that draft 1 of the script is finished. That's not to say the script is ready to roll, but I think it's good enough to show to the powers that be and let them decide if it's worth progressing with. I walked out of the library and it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Hopefully this should do a lot to lift my mood. Plus I have three nights at the Stand in Edinburgh coming up so I get to go away on a little working holiday to celebrate. Hooray!
