It is good to note that charities have finally realised the value of attractive young people. It is difficult to walk down a high street these days without being collared by some handsome/pretty student who is attempting to get you to create a direct debit giving money to some worthy cause.
In the sixties some cult sent out pretty women to have sex with men and then try to convert them to their cause in what was called "Flirty Fishing". Personally I won't sign up for any of these charity schemes until the girls (or boys if I am gay) trying to make me are prepared to go all the way.
Like most of you I choose to walk past these do-gooders, pretending that I am just too busy to stop, but I am sure that some people are lured in by those idealistic young eyes, unspoilt by scepticism and pain. Doubtless many people have signed on the dotted line in the hope of impressing these youngsters, thinking maybe it might lead to a date.
So charity benefits from the desperation of sad and lonely men (because I suspect it is mainly men who fall into the trap).
I'd quite like to test my theory by sending out a group of attractive, young students with clipboards and forms promoting my new charity "Kill the Children". I will give the volunteers some speel to give out to any people who stop and see how if the beauty of youth can convince people that the murder of children is a good way to solve the world's problems - Essentially it may be a little brutal, but short term solutions aren't working. The only way to stop poverty is to systematically and painlessly put the poor children to sleep.
Did you know that for just 20p a day we can provide enough posion to kill all the urchins in a Bangledeshi village. Another pound will pay for a man with a big stick to go and club some babies wiht whooping cough to death.
And so on.
Would the prettiness of a young dread-locked white girl's eyes be enough to convince an otherwise sane person to part with money to support this abhorrent scheme?
It's a shame the 11 o'clock show isn't still on. I could sell the idea to them.
If it works I think I'll set up my other charity, "Guide Dogs for the Drunk". Every pub in the land could have a couple ready to take the sots of the world home after a hard night.
After just one night in Edinburgh I could certainly do with one.
