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We took the kids to
Willows Activity Farm, a Peter Rabbit themed theme park with animals, rides, activities, shows etc. It’s quite expensive, but it’s really good. My daughter said she wanted to stay there forever and ever and ever, but we lasted five hours (but she’d have stayed for more). We didn’t have any tears or tantrums or arguments, not even between me and my wife, which made this, I believe, the most successful and enjoyable day out that the Herring family has ever had. I felt happy at the end, instead of frazzled and exhausted and like I wished that I was dead, which as parents will know is how you feel 97% of the time. But boy the other 3% makes your sad, child-free life seem shallow and empty.
Phoebe was adventurous and brave, going on some rides I thought she’d think were scary and having a go at swinging on a rope (she was so confident that we forgot she was 3 and she went splatting into the ground, but bounced back fast), we got lost together in a maize maze (it was literally made of maize, or as we would say, sweet corn, but that’s not as satisfying a pun), Phoebe got her photo taken hugging Lily Bobtail (we’d seen the staff rushing a trolley up a hill with a big bag on top of it just before Lily’s appearance and guessed what might be housed in the bag and imagined how much trauma would be caused if the bag had broken open and Lily’s lifeless cadaver had fallen on to the pavement in front of the kids). There was loads to do, much more than we managed to. I’d recommend it whole-heartedly as a day out.
But DON”T EAT IN THE CAFE.
Because in spite of all the family joy my over-riding memory of the day is the burger I had for my lunch. Admittedly I didn’t eat meat for about 12 years between the ages of 18 and 30 so may have missed out on some cheap and piss poor burgers, but this was by far the worst burger I have ever eaten. You’d sort of think that on a farm the meat would be really good, whilst similarly hoping that it wan’t as it’d be awful to think that the attractions ended up in the cafe. But whatever animal had ended up in my burger and whatever its provenance, I had definitely got the most straggly bits of it. The burger was full of gristle and a bit weirdly hard at the edges. I told my wife how bad it was and she said I shouldn’t eat it, but I had paid for it and I like a challenge and though I thought this might be my best opportunity to get mad-cow’s disease (or at least have a whole bull’s penis in my mouth) I decided I would not be beaten by this horrible meal. I got through it too, because I am an eating champion who cares more about not wasting food than he does about his own health, but man that was a horrific meal.
It’s rare to get a meal that is so bad that it’s good, as bad food is generally a negative. But this was so bad that I actually perversely enjoyed the experience. I felt like a fox eating stuff out of a bin, that might or might not be full of maggots (so I didn’t look too closely to see if the white bits were moving), so maybe it was part of the Peter Rabbit experience.
I mean, I’d probably go back to the attraction (though would definitely take sandwiches) but it’s almost enough to make me think twice.
It was actually so bad that it almost makes me want to go back and have the burger again, just for the challenge. I seem to have survived, but let’s wait and see if a massive insect/alien life form burrows its way out of my stomach before we all rush there to take on the can you eat at Willows Activity Farm and live?
And Peter Rabbit, spend maybe 10p more on each on the burgers you're buying for your cafe. Just take it off the entrance fee. It'll be worth it in the long run.
Ethically also, given Peter Rabbit steals all his food from Mr McGregor, shouldn't the visitors to this attraction be allowed to steal whatever they take a fancy to? I nearly brought some sweetcorn home with us. How do I explain to my daughter (who really wanted some) that that is not acceptable. It's one law for the anthropomorphic animals and another for the rest of us.
