"What do you do for a living?" I asked my chosen disciple in tonight's audience.
"I'm a teacher," he replied.
Recently I realised that it would be funny in circumstances like this to find out what subject they taught and then when they said "Geography" or whatever, I could say "Come with me, I will make you a teacher of men." It would be a little neater to get the subject and then the joke (which is supposed to fail) would almost sort of work.
So this was my first opportunity to do so, "What do you teach?" I enquired.
"I teach special needs kids," he replied.
"Come with me. I will make you a teacher of men," I reluctantly continued. Even though there was no unpleasant joke in there I knew the audience would be worried there might be, or at least they'd think that it would be wrong to take this nice man away from his noble calling. I didn't get a laugh. I carried on anyway, but then admitted that I had been hoping he would say a certain subject so that my joke would work better, "But you come in with that and make me look like I am some kind of wannabe Frankie Boyle and wreck everything." The relief that the potential (though actually non-existent) front had been addressed meant that I got a much bigger laugh now. I ad-libbed round it a bit and everyone relaxed. Things don't always go to plan as a comedian and it's often better when they don't. But it was a nice relaxed performance tonight and I was finding lots of new jokes amongst the familiar script. It was my third Tuesday and there were more than 100 in, which is significantly better than last week's low point, but alas I think the word of mouth is going too slowly to make too much of an impact. As I said to the tonight's manager, Adam, "If this continues we will have full houses by April." But of course I will have moved on by then.
But the Friday and Saturday nights look like being pretty full again, so book ahead if you've decided to leave it to the last minute. And remember London you only have 9 more chances to see this show, so don't dawdle now!
Afterwards I went to the annual comedians' Christmas party - which has been moved to January to avoid a clash with work. It was nice to get a chance to meet and chat with some of my colleagues without having to rush on stage or off to another gig. While I was there I also passed the six month mark since my last alcoholic drink. It would have been the perfect opportunity to celebrate with a glass of champagne, but I didn't feel like it. The dry odyssey will continue for a little while yet. I can't believe it's been that long, and the smugness was somewhat tempered when I realised this also meant I was half way through my 44th year. As my Japanese friend genuinely wrote to me on my Christmas card this year, "Time fries". It certainly does.
I am impressed that I have managed to get through a stressful and tiring first week of the year without drinking, or indeed without stuffing my face with chocolate and food to compensate for my mild depression. Maybe the withdrawal from chocolate added to my mild depression, but it just goes to show that these things are often used as emotional crutches. And the self-control is paying off again. I have lost all the Christmas weight and a bit more now, after being more of less the same weight since August. Hopefully I can get back to the weight I was in the summer of 2008 before I cracked my rib. It's interesting that not drinking alone has not been enough to reduce my weight though.
If it hadn't been for the crack I don't think I would have got through these last few months. Excellent for losing weight too. Unless it gives you the munchies. I don't know enough about drugs to pull this joke off clearly!
