Journalism

Esquire magazine - Bless and Blast

TO ESQUIRE MAG, KATHY BUCHANAN -
BLESS
RICHARD HERRING LOVES ...
THE SIMPSONS...
Without doubt, the greatest work of literature and drama that has ever existed. Which is more eloquent, Hamlet’s self indulgent “To be or not to be... etc for four hours with something about bare fardels in it” or Homer Simpson’s despairing “D’oh!”. As Shakespeare said “Brevity is the soul of wit” - ha ha, hoist by your own petard, Willy. If only the BBC had the foresight of every other broadcaster in the world then they’d put the show (and Seinfeld and Larry Sanders) on a regular peak time on BBC1 and then people might get a chance to see it.
RISK...
Every Monday night I go round to Simon Oakes house to attempt to conquer the world, with only Oakesy, Paddy Screech, David Jones and sometimes Andrew Mackay to stop me. This board game is a real psychological thriller and reveals people’s true personalities better than Cracker and Mystic Meg put together. How I love to cajole the weak minded idiots into aiding me in achieving my mission. Ha ha ha. The world shall be mine. Ha ha ha.

STEWART LEE LOVES ...
TUNA FISH...
Delicious in baked potatoes, sandwiches, and toasties, tuna can be mixed with mayonnaise, sweetcorn and even apple sauce to provide the perfect apres pub snack. I could no more imagine life without tuna fish than I could life without air and water.
PETER BAYNHAM ...
Welsh misift Baynham is probably best known as TV’s Mr Pot Noodle, but he is a great bloke and Britain’s second best comedy writer. These days a social evening with him will begin with you enjoying his trademark humorous banter, and end with watching him being chased out of the pub by a crowd of drunk office workers braying “Tooooo Gorgeous!”. A perfect night out.
MUSIC ...
At 29 years old I keep thinking I’ll get too old for music, but now I’ve moved into free-noise and country rock territory I’m a tiny child amidst all the chin stroking and beard tugging. I could no more imagine life without the brilliant Tucson Arizona band Giant Sand than I could life without Tuna fish.


BLAST
RICHARD HERRING HATES
HUMANITY...
I am like the Unabomber and the mardy Mardi Gra in this respect. Hopefully one day I will create a virus which will wipe the Homo Sapien species from the face of the earth. Have you seen them eating on the bus? Urgh, they disgust me.
BEETROOT...
I hate this vegetable. It is essentially a purple coloured, soft turnip which tastes very unpleasant. I don’t go around trying to destroy the object of my detestation. I just never eat it. Live and let live, I say.
PETER BAYNHAM...
Whatever Stu says about him, I think the man is at best an arse, and at worst the new Hitler. The other day he’d left his brief case in my office and rang me to ask if I could take it home, so he could collect it from me at about 11.30pm. And you know what, he turned up over an hour late and woke me up. Even his apology sounded sarcastic. That is the kind of thing I’m on about.


STEWART LEE HATES ... MURRAY LACHLAN YOUNG
I used to hate the playwright curmudgeon Patrick Marber, and in fact had him on my passport as the person to contact in the event of my death as a final act of revenge, but now the only thing or person I have the energy to hate is the ‘poet’ Murray Lachlan Young. A small boy needs to step out of the crowd and say, “Hang on, surely this is just bad stand up comedy that rhymes?” I don’t really hate anything anymore. To call Young’s toss ‘sixth form poetry’ is to overrate it - teenage poetry could never be so smugly arch and knowing. I’d say I hope Murray Lachlan Young dies young, except that that would guaruntee him a South Bank Special. When you see someone as utterly worthless as Murray Lachlan Young get tolerated and even praised, it makes you despair of humanity. That said, I met someone that knew him and she said he was a really nice bloke.